


The truth may hurt but it can also heal

by TwilightSpaceWarrior



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Angst, I'm not so sure what this is but I'm going to roll with it, M/M, confused subaki, frenemies to lovers, sad niles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-16
Updated: 2017-02-16
Packaged: 2018-09-24 22:01:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9789011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwilightSpaceWarrior/pseuds/TwilightSpaceWarrior
Summary: Subaki was no idiot, Niles had been off long before he had left. Niles had always been off, and he hadn't gotten worse overnight. It happened slowly, so slowly, that most failed to notice a change at all.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Any feedback is appreciated! Thank you

Niles had gone missing. For the past three days, few had claimed to have seen the lewd and troubled retainer of Prince Leo. Though he hadn't yet been found, he couldn't have strayed too far, but that didn't change the fact that he was always a good hider. To most, he'd seemed off for a few days prior to his sudden disappearance, leaving everyone with a lot of questions.

Subaki was no idiot, Niles had been off long before he had left. Niles had always been off, and he hadn't gotten worse overnight. It happened slowly, so slowly, that most failed to notice a change at all.

When Subaki had decided to look for him, he had some raised eyebrows directed at him. It was no secret that Niles and Subaki never seemed to get along. Their interactions were bitter at the best of times. But what was secret, is that over time, through observation and second chances, Subaki saw that Niles was in fact not as bad as he had thought him to be, and through his sharp and eerie exterior, he hid something overwhelmingly broken inside of him that he never wanted the light to touch.

He wasn't so sure he could hate him for the things he said, so he opted to like him for the things he didn't. Though it went unsaid, Niles knew that their dynamic had changed, and bit by bit, he started making changes too.

Subaki walked through the woods, where Niles, without a doubt, would be. He wasn't hiding as people had claimed. He never was. He was just escaping.

The dark made everything seem as it wasn't. He supposed that Niles saw the world through darkened lenses—or a darkened _lens_ , to be correct.

The dirt trail wound up a hill into a clearance, where Niles was 'hiding', disheveled hair gleaming silver in the moon's soft light, sitting upright, gaze to the stars above. Subaki didn't know where to start.

Upon closer inspection, his gaze was solemn and his arms weak, bending under the weight he put on them, palms in the grass, nails clawed into dirt, his anchor, his last resort to grounding himself. Even as the Pegasus knight sat next to him, he refused to acknowledge any change in his surroundings.

"Niles." It was enough to make the archer flinch, but not enough to make him change his disposition.

"Niles, please. Listen to me."  
He removed his gaze from the stars and focused his sight somewhere in the distance.

He was listening.

"There's something wrong, I'm probably not the first person you'd want here, but You're going to have to deal with it."

Niles still sat under the blackened blanket of midnight sky and burning stars, as if he was alone, as if Subaki wasn't there with him, right next to him, almost grazing shoulders.

Subaki's tone softened  
"Niles, you can tell me. I won't judge you, I'm not going to tell anyone, anything, I–no, everyone wants for you to come back."

Niles laughed bitterly

"What! Niles, what do you find funny? I'm completely serious!"

Niles smiled evilly.  
"Subaki, Subaki. It's quite ironic that you say this, you, particularly."

"What?"

"You're the source of my troubles, if I couldn't find peace in my own company, like hell I am going to in yours."

"What? H-how? What did I do Niles? Tell me what I did."  
"I didn't mean to hurt you."

Niles had lost his cool composure, he was all gritted teeth and clenched fists, Subaki could tell he couldn't control himself, and he imagined that Niles hated not having control.

Niles stood up rather abruptly  
"Of course you didn't, because you're perfect, right? Because you can't do anything wrong."

Subaki was in awe

"And the the thing is, that's true. You can't do anything wrong, you haven't. You just didn't do what I wanted you to. And I guess that makes me selfish, but I'm not going to care too much for that."

"I-"

"Stop it! Stop! Just don't say anything. You don't have to say a word. Not one."

Subaki wanted more than anything to say something, but the last thing he wanted was to fuel fire that was Niles' temper.

"Do you really want to know why you're the source of my troubles? it might be too much for you, Mr perfect."

He looked Directly at Subaki, with eyes that burnt with every emotion all in one.  
So Subaki stared back

"I'm sure I can handle it."

"It's because you're not mine to take. I can't have you for myself. You're engaged to the _lovely_ lady Hinoka." —The venom he spoke with implied that maybe he thought Hinoka wasn't so lovely

"you're going to be married one day, and I'm going to have to live with that. No one has ever made me feel the way I do like you have, Mr perfect, and you don't feel the same."

"In fact, I bet you're disgusted."

His expression faded to something fragile once more.

Subaki looked at the archer pleadingly.

"Niles, I'm not disgusted. And as for Lady Hinoka, you're correct, we _are_ engaged, but it isn't out of love, I agreed to pretend to be her fiancé until she came clean to her family about her relationship with lady Camilla."  
It had come out a bit more forceful than Subaki would have liked, but he couldn't go back now.

"Don't think I hate you, ever! We don't get along most of the time, but that doesn't mean I don't like you! Niles, it's the-it's"

Subaki turned his focus to the grass below him.  
"Quite the opposite." He trailed off

He was quick to regain his authoritative tone  
"Don't ask me why, or how, don't even ask when, because I don't know. I don't expect to, either. Sometimes, I don't even believe it, but at the end of the day I know one thing Niles, you make me feel the way no one makes you feel but me, confusing as it sounds, it is exactly that—confusing."

Niles lips trembled baring gritted teeth. Silent as before—almost as if he thought he was dreaming, like Subaki wasn't right there in front of him, like he hadn't told Subaki what made him weak. Like Subaki hadn't just said in the most imperfect way possible by his standards—that he had feelings for him.

Subaki rested a hand on each of Niles' shoulders and grasped them softly enough to not come across as aggressive, but hard enough for the archer to know that he wasn't letting go.  
"Niles, I'm here."

Niles still looked blankly to the distance, Subaki had never felt so helpless in his life.

In the heat of the moment, with the aid of adrenaline and something he couldn't quite place, he did the only thing he could think of, he leaned in and kissed Niles' quivering lips as gently as he could. It wasn't perfect—he didn't reciprocate, but he didn't need him to.

Niles was looking him in the eyes now, though, he seemed distant, as if Subaki was hollow and he could see right through him.  
He kissed him again, it happened same as before—Niles not moving, Subaki praying that he would just do, or say something.

"Niles, I don't care how long it takes, I'll wait for you." He whispered hoarsely, the words coming out just about as easy as a one hit kill against a god.

He tried again.

Niles mouth moved against his, and muscular arms snaked around his waist. It was only brief and when they pulled apart, with their foreheads pressed together, Niles looked into his eyes again—this time, he wasn't staring through him—he was staring right into him.

"I don't want to make you have to wait."  
Niles whispered shakily.

Their lips caught each other once more for only a second.

Niles smirked lovingly—something Niles, and Niles only, could pull off.  
"How did I get so lucky? Mr Perfect, kissing me under the stars. I ought to be dreaming."

"You need to stop calling me that."  
Subaki exasperated.  
"I'm not perfect—perfect—is impossible. I can't run from the truth forever."

Niles cocked an eyebrow  
"You, just admitted that you aren't perfect. I must be special."

Subaki rolled his eyes—he was back to being the Niles he knew.

"It pains me to admit such a thing and it's for your ears only. So... Yes, it does make you special."

"Glad to hear it." Niles said, his voice trailing off once more.

Subaki slumped gracefully onto the grass, pulling Niles down after him.

"You're not happy, Niles. Tell me what's bothering you."

"You could kiss it out of me." He teased. The archer wiggled his eyebrows.

Subaki shoved him  
"I'm serious."

Niles sighed  
"I know you are."

"Then talk to me."

Niles lazily traced circles on Subaki's palm with his index finger

"As you know, I'm not _particularly_ nice to people—especially you. I don't care much for my attitude towards them. But you, I don't fancy myself for the way I treated you."

"Then why did you?"

Niles took a deep breath before uttering a few words that made Subaki's heart race and his insides churn.

"Because I wanted to make myself suffer."

Subaki felt as if he was hit clean in the face by a brick.

"Why would you want to do that! You suffered enough in your life, Niles. Why In the name of Nohr, Hoshido and the invisible kingdom of Valla would you want to do that to yourself?" He uttered in bewilderment.

"I'm what you'd call—disturbed– no, that's not it. More like—broken."

Niles continues after a second

"By pushing away anything that I love and care for, anything that brings me joy, I succeed in making myself miserable."

Subaki shook his head, mouth set into a frown that made Niles' heart sink at the sight of it.

"No more."

"Wha-?"

"I said, no more. You aren't going to make yourself suffer anymore. I don't want you to, heck, I won't _let_ you."

Niles smirked, "For once in a very long time, I don't think, that I want to."

Subaki smiled back. "And I hope—that you never will again." 

**Author's Note:**

> I was going to make this longer, but I have another series of one shots I'm working on. I distract myself enough as it is without writing things I don't have planned!


End file.
